This is my first attempt at ever doing a blog. And I'll probably be the worst at keeping it updated. But I thought it would be fun and help me get through things. How knows. We'll see.
As for right now, I'm dealing with a new company with the same problems as were with the old company. I'm still dealing with all the financial problems as before and all the drama. I literally hate my job. But for now, it is so hard for me to find another job that pays as good as my current one does. I can't really afford to take a pay cut but I might not have much of a choice. It's not that I don't like taking care of people. Expecially the veterans. (I'm a full time EMT) But the drama around work is what's getting to me. Along with the long hours, very little sleep, long trips and being around sick people all the time. My health isn't the best in the world anyways.
Speaking of my health. I've been having lung problems for 2 years now. They still can't seem to know what it is that is wrong with me. This is more of a pain then anything. I'm sick and tired of all the doctors. I'm sick and tired of all the tests. I'm sick and tired of it all. But I know I can't give up or anything. Hopefully soon, something will be done. Or found.
However, there are a few good things going on for me right now. Me and my boyfriend are in the process of trying to find a house. However, that's starting to become a pain also. We're both stubborn about what we want and what we like. We've found a few houses for really really good prices. Mainly because they've been forclosed on. But apparently when that happens, the owners will destroy the house before they move out. So it's making it hard to find a house in a good location, at a good price that is not destroyed. I've pretty much been living with him at his parents house for the past 2 years. But we're ready to move out on our own. These next few weeks are going to be really hard though. His father is having surgery today and I won't be able to stay at his house for a while because of me always having lung infections. And I can't really be around him out of fear of him getting an infection in his surgery site. He's gonna be a slow healer because he's a diabetic. So this all sucks. But we'll make it through it.
Everyday it seems like I'm in a struggle to make it to the next day. Everyday I feel like I'm in a struggle to satisfy everyone. To make everyone happy. And I'm not doing a very good job at it. I feel like I'm a constant disappointment. I'm on meds to help with the depression and feelings of worthlessness. It's a daily struggle. But I'm doing good. Hopefully I can continue to get better and not have bad days. They are happening less often. I'm still trusting on God everyday. Knowing that he's there for me whenever I need him. And even when I don't think I need him. I struggle with my religion alot. Not in the full since. It's hard to explain. I am saved. But I have problems with organized religion. But that whole subject will be saved for another blog. Is this blogging gonna help me talk through my problems or help me with my walk with Christ. Who knows at this point. We shall see...................
